I went to a psychic when I was a few years sober and she said very pointedly, “you’ll never drink again.” It was a pivotal point in my recovery. Not because the psychic knew something that I didn’t. The reason it was pivotal was because she told me something that I absolutely knew to be a deep truth, but hadn’t allowed myself to own as the truth. I felt a resonance all the way to my core when she said it. It was an immediate knowing that I’d heard and felt pure truth.
However, I had been indoctrinated to believe the exact opposite in the world of sobriety. I was taught to believe I had to be hypervigilant to make sure that relapse didn’t sneak up on me and steal what I had worked hard to have. When the psychic spoke the truth to me, it shifted my entire perception and approach to recovery. Rather than having a fear based approach I have gratefully embraced not having to “worry” and keep relapse at bay. Instead I love every minute of my creative, mystical life. I consciously choose this life every day.
Today, I celebrate ten years of this way of living. The unexpected gifts that have come with not drinking feel like an infinite list. But a few things include: having a blanket of shame and self loathing lifted; feeling fully present to emotions, beauty, joy, and the creative life force; finishing books and being able to read for hours without going dull and numb; maintaining a healthy weight without fluctuations or having to “work at it” because my body self regulates; clear, bright eyes; remembering everything; no more wasted energy on planning, scheming and trying to manage drinking; no surprises the next morning; never being a victim again; knowing how to self soothe and nurture myself as well as celebrate in fulfilling, life giving ways; knowing the worst is over and I can navigate whatever life offers; knowing I deserve this life and feeling gratitude for it every day.